Preparing for Services

A memorial or funeral service is one of the most ancient and important things humans do. It is a gathering of love — a collective acknowledgment that a life mattered, that grief is shared, and that the living need each other.

Planning a service while you are grieving is hard. This guide is here to help you do it with intention, and to remind you that there is no single right way to honor someone you love.

Honor Their Wishes First

If your loved one left instructions — in a will, letter of instruction, or their Life Binder — start there. Pre-arranged funerals are a gift to the living, and even informal notes about preferences (religious traditions, a favorite song, burial vs. cremation) are enormously helpful.

If no wishes were documented, that's okay. The service you plan from love is the right one.

Types of Services

There are many options, and the right choice depends on your loved one's life, your family's needs, and practical considerations:

• Traditional funeral: A viewing or visitation followed by a funeral service and burial or cremation
• Memorial service: A service without the body present, often held days or weeks after death
• Graveside service: A simple, intimate gathering at the burial site
• Celebration of life: A gathering focused on memory, joy, and tribute — often less formal
• Private service: Limited to immediate family, sometimes followed by a larger public memorial

Working with the Funeral Home

Your funeral director is a trained professional and a genuine resource. They have helped hundreds of families through exactly what you're experiencing. Don't hesitate to ask them questions or tell them what your loved one was like as a person — the best services feel personal.

Key decisions to work through together:

• The casket, urn, or burial container
• Transportation and timing
• Flowers and programs
• Music, readings, and speakers
• Reception or gathering afterward

Writing the Obituary

An obituary is a brief but lasting record of a life. Most newspapers and funeral homes have templates, but the best obituaries go beyond dates and titles — they capture who the person was.

Consider including: a profession or vocation, the things they loved, the lives they touched, and a line or two that would make them smile. Ask family members to share a detail or memory you might include.

The Day Itself

Let someone you trust be your anchor on the day of the service. They can handle logistics, greet guests, and help you focus on what matters: being present, accepting love, and saying goodbye in your own way.

You do not have to hold it together. Grief is welcome at a service. It is, in fact, the whole point.